Three Steps to Lower Your Holiday Stress
It’s that time of year again! That wonderful, stressful time of year when there is too much to do and too little time to do it in…and sometimes, difficult people to do it with.
You may already be filled with dread as you think about the upcoming holiday season. Or you may be the type to stick your fingers in your ears and tell yourself I still have plenty of time! Everything will be FINE! Either way, it’s happening, folks. The holidays are coming and if we don’t take deliberate steps to prepare ourselves, we’ll end up crawling into January looking like a cat that just went a few rounds in the clothes dryer.
For people pleasers, the holidays quadruple the number of requests and opportunities coming their way, and they often burn through their “just say no” resolve by mid-November.
Perfectionists are easy targets for holiday burnout as they strive to find the perfect gift, decorate the perfect tree, bake the perfect cookies, and prepare the perfect meal. The opportunities for failure feel endless.
Performance-based people find their worth in their productivity, and the holiday to-do lists can make them hustle their way into a heart attack.
If you meet one, two, or all three of these descriptions, you are likely staring down the holiday starting line with a gut full of anxiety.
You can do it differently this year. Here are three steps you can take to help lower your holiday stress:
First, identify how you can customize your holiday to work for you so that it’s more manageable. This is your chance to reject the All or Nothing thinking that is stressing you out and instead find the Somethings that you can do a little differently. Stop telling yourself that you don’t have a choice. You do. You always have options. They may not be easy, and you may disappoint a loved one, but there ARE options.
Are you dreading an upcoming holiday gathering? If cancelling isn’t an option you are willing to deal with, can you limit how long you stay? Just because skipping it is not an option, it does not mean that going for the entire duration is what you must do. Find the Something option.
If holiday decorating is feeling overwhelming, let yourself off the hook for the full monty. Choose a few things that matter most to you - that bring you joy - and focus your energy there.
This might sound like an obvious suggestion, but people-pleasers, perfectionists, and performance-based people do not naturally have a “Something Filter.” We go big or go home. All or Nothing is our middle name. It takes deliberate work to find the Something option, but it will change everything if you do it consistently.
Second, accept what you cannot change. If that person you always avoid is going to be at the holiday gathering and there is just no avoiding it, accept it and stop grumbling about it. Complaining will just keep you stuck in a negative mood and a helpless mindset. Acceptance helps you own what’s yours and help yourself through it (more on that in a minute).
You cannot change the weather or the fact that your toddler still needs naps. Accept it. Don’t let yourself become resentful and bitter. You are accepting something difficult, but not resigning yourself to it. There are still ways to help yourself through it. Which leads me to our third step…
Lastly, resource yourself for what’s ahead. Once you have limited what is looming on your holiday to-do list (thanks to implementing the Something option) you can brainstorm ways to care for yourself amidst the craziness. Self-care is not selfish. It’s how we prepare for challenges and recover from draining activities.
Now that you’ve accepted that your work nemesis will be at the holiday party, determine a few ways to make it easier on yourself. Bribe your bestie to be your buffer for the evening. Buy yourself a new outfit or pair of shoes to help you get a boost of confidence as you walk through the door. Plan how you can take care of yourself during this trial rather than white-knuckling your way through it.
Once you’ve accepted the things you cannot (or will not) change, make a plan for how you can support yourself through the inevitable stress rather than miserably pushing yourself through it. It’s okay to make things easier on yourself!
Listen. Holiday stress is inevitable; holiday breakdowns are not.
You do not need to spend the next few months overwhelmed, exhausted, and resentful. Give yourself permission to lower the bar and risk disappointing a few people. Redefine a successful holiday season by how healthy you feel during it NOT by how much you do through it. These three principles are simple but not easy. And following them will not guarantee a stress-free holiday, but it will help relieve some of the pressure.