How Do I Tame My Anxiety?
I get it. You’re anxious and you want that awful feeling to go away.
The racing thoughts and racing heart is getting to you, and you just want to feel normal.
There are a lot of different ways to address anxiety but let me begin at the beginning: You must approach your anxiety as something to be soothed rather than something to be controlled.
It’s easy to be anxious about our anxiety, and in our desperation we try to “control” it and accidentally just make it worse.
Stop thinking of your anxiety as the enemy. Fighting anxiety will not lessen it. Your body is literally programmed to respond to threats by becoming anxious (ever heard of Fight or Flight mode?), so you threatening your anxiety will not make it go away.
Again, you must approach your anxiety as something to be soothed rather than something to be controlled.
Be gentle with yourself and your anxiety. Approach your experience with kindness and curiosity.
“Hmmm…I’m noticing a lot of anxiety in me today. I wonder what that’s about? I’m noticing it in my tense shoulders and the queasiness in my stomach. My nervous system must be pretty activated…maybe I will try a few things to soothe my system…”
Then you try some slow, deep breathing, or jumping jacks, or a cold pack or journaling…whatever! There are million tools to soothe ourselves – from music to meditation – but if we use those tools with a spirit of frustration and control, they are much less likely to help us.
Additionally, your goal cannot be to eliminate anxiety. This all or nothing approach will only set you up for failure. You’ll try a few deep breaths, notice you are still anxious, and then give up. You must aim to lower your anxiety a little bit at a time. Take small steps in the right direction and trust the process.
Accept that a little anxiety might go to work with you today and roll with it. You do not need to eliminate your anxiety; simply lower it with some soothing techniques. Expectations impact outcomes. If you expect progress to be slow and a little anxiety to remain, you will be less anxious about your anxiety and that in itself is soothing!
Remember, we must use the tools with a spirit of kindness and curiosity toward ourselves. Your goal is to soothe your anxiety NOT control it. Start there and you will find you make much more progress.