The Problem with Perfectionism

Let me begin by saying that perfectionism is not always a problem. It can be a wonderful trait that helps us excel at things that are important to us.  

I hope my surgeon is a perfectionist in the operating room.

I’d like my pilot to be perfectionistic about protocols in the cockpit.

You’d probably like your CPA to be a tad perfectionistic at tax time.

Applying a perfectionistic mindset to an activity you care about can be an effective pathway to success and a gift to those around you.

The problem with perfectionism begins when we cannot discern when to apply it - or adjust accordingly when we do discern the difference.

Do you feel bad if a conversation with a friend did not go perfectly?

Do you beat yourself up if you didn’t get a perfect score on that paper or exam?

Do you spiral in shame when receiving constructive feedback?

Do you tell yourself that something doesn’t need to be perfect and then obsessively fiddle with it for way too long?

Perfectionism can be a handy tool in specific situations (see above surgeon example) and a nasty taskmaster in many others.

It can create problems in relationships when those around you feel like they never measure up to your standards.

 It can lead to over-work and toxic productivity, preventing you from resting.

 It can make you into someone who can never seem to celebrate a good thing – because the good thing could have been a little bit better.

Perfectionism is a thief. It steals your joy, your relationships, and your peace.

A key skill is learning when to put on that “perfectionist hat” and when to leave it off.

 Reading a contract before you sign it? Put that hat on!

Learning a new skill? Take that hat off!

Cutting your best friend’s bangs? Put it on!

Trimming your fingernails? Take it off!

You get the idea. Learn when to use perfectionism as a tool and when to leave it at the door and just get the thing done.

There are usually many factors outside of your control that will impact the results of your work, so holding yourself to perfect outcomes when you do not control all of the variables is an unreasonable standard.

View perfection as something to pursue in certain contexts, not something to achieve in every endeavor.

You can hold yourself to a high standard while giving yourself permission to have less than perfect results.