4 Signs You Have a Perfectionism Problem

I’ve always found it hilariously ironic that most perfectionists (including myself) never believed themselves to be perfectionists. The reasoning behind their assessment?

“If I were a perfectionist, more things in my life would be perfect.”

“You should see my pantry – it’s a mess!”

“I am super laid-back about [names one thing].”

Listen. You do not need to achieve perfection in order to be driven by perfectionism.

Chronic perfectionism is a mindset and a subtle, insidious habit that robs us of perspective and peace.

Notice that I say “chronic perfectionism.” Not all perfectionism is harmful. There is a time and a place to be perfectionistic about something. But perfectionism becomes problematic when we cannot turn it off and we find ourselves driven by this mindset. (See this post to read more.)

If you are wondering if you have a perfectionism problem, here are a few things to look for:

A chronic feeling that you are failing. Perfectionism’s constant companion is shame. Because we can rarely manage to do things as well as we want to do them, perfectionists are plagued by a vague sense that they are not measuring up. They feel bad about themselves or their performance, even when others tell them they are doing well.

An over-active inner critic. We call it having high standards for ourselves; people who know us call it being hard on ourselves. Perfectionists critique themselves with the gentleness of Cruella de Vil. They rehearse mistakes and dismiss grace.

Chronic anxiety. It is nerve-wracking to need to strive for excellence in every context. The nervous system responds to this onslaught of pressure with a racing heart, anxious energy, sleeplessness, and all sorts of other anxiety symptoms.  

All or nothing thinking. Perfectionism is embedded with all or nothing thinking. Something is either perfect or horrendous. We cannot embrace the “good enough” and we lack the perspective to appreciate nuance.

This list is by no means exhaustive. There are many other ways that chronic, problematic perfectionism can impact us. But if you see yourself in some of the above symptoms, you may have a problem with perfectionism.